What 18 People Taught Me About Influence

I underestimated something last week.

I walked into a full-day workshop for an organization in South Florida expecting the usual mid-morning energy dip — the polite nodding and the phones under the table. Instead, I got a room full of people tuned in, taking notes, and asking questions that told me they weren't just listening. They were recognizing something.

Here's how we opened:

"Influence is the ability to shape how people think, feel, and act — without a title, a mandate, or a threat. It's what happens when someone listens to you not because they have to, but because they want to. In a large, complex organization like this one, influence isn't a soft skill. It's a survival skill."

Think about the last great idea that went nowhere. Or the department you needed cooperation from and hit a wall. Or the colleague with less experience who somehow got more traction than you.

Nine times out of ten, the missing ingredient isn't knowledge or effort. It's influence.

The room told me where they were struggling

When I opened the floor, I expected a scattered mix of takeaways. What I got instead was almost eerie in its consistency. Across eighteen participants, one theme dominated everything else, showing up again and again in their own words:

"How to not avoid conflict." "Dealing with conflict." "Having a framework to navigate conflict and a breakdown of how influence works." "Suggestions on how to address situations that are difficult."

Nobody asked me how to win an argument. What they wanted was permission and a process — a way to stop sidestepping the hard conversation and start moving through it deliberately. What became very clear is that they were not having a communication problem but an avoidance problem wearing a communication costume, and it's one I see in almost every organization I work with, no matter how senior the room.

When I asked what they'd do differently starting Monday, the answers were specific and, honestly, a little brave:

"Not avoid conflict but assess it as objectively as possible and look to resolve it." "Apply assertive communication." "Consider the other person's perspective." "Stay consistent with my authority." "Reflect more. Communicate more effectively."

That's the thing about professional development done right — it doesn't teach people something new so much as it names what they already feel and hands them a way to act on it. Nobody in that room needed convincing that conflict avoidance was costing them something. They needed a frame for what to do instead.

The numbers backed up the feeling

I don't love leading with survey scores, but these are worth sharing because they line up so cleanly with what people said in their own words. Out of 18 respondents, on a 4-point scale:

• Engagement: 3.8 — nobody checked out

• Content relevance to their role: 3.7

• Would recommend to a colleague: 3.9

• Felt welcomed from the start: 3.8

Every single question landed between "Agree" and "Agree Strongly," with zero disagreement on any item. They were engaged. What stands out more than the scores, though, is the tone of the open-ended comments:

"The class was an eye opener on the way I communicate." "This was a great and interesting class." "Your delivery was excellent. Thank you."

Not "informative." Not "helpful." An eye opener. That's the language of someone who walked in with a blind spot and walked out without one.

Why this matters beyond one workshop

This organization didn't bring me in to check a professional-development box. They're investing in leaders who don't wait for a promotion to start moving things forward — people who understand that influence, not authority, is what actually gets things done in a large, complex organization.

And what this workshop confirmed, yet again, is that most people already know where their growth edge is. They're not confused about what's holding them back. They're just waiting for someone to hand them a framework and enough safety to admit it.

If you lead a team and you're not sure how to invest in their growth: your people are hungrier for this than you think. They already know it's conflict. They already know it's the conversation they've been putting off. Give them a framework, and watch what happens to a room in a day.

Ready to build this kind of influence into your organization?

Book a free consultation with Milka to talk through what your team is facing:

Book a Free Consultation with Milka Here